Forget The Golden Rule, The Platinum Rule is Peak Empathy

“Treat others how you would like to be treated.”

It’s catchy. It’s simple. It’s wrong.

The so-called Golden Rule has been taught for centuries as the foundation of morality. Parents drill it into their children, religions preach it, schools plaster it on their walls. But the Golden Rule is a trap. It assumes that what you would want is what everyone else should want. It assumes sameness where difference is glaring. It erases individuality and reinforces privilege.

At best, it’s lazy thinking. At worst, it’s dangerous.

There’s a better way — the Platinum Rule: Treat others how they would like to be treated.

That single shift — from your own perspective to theirs — changes everything.

When “Kindness” Is Just Self-Projection

The Golden Rule tells you to use yourself as the benchmark. That’s the problem. It’s built on projection. You impose your standards, your worldview, your comfort zone onto someone else.

Take this classic example. A man may think he’s complimenting a woman by commenting on her body. Why? Because in his world, compliments about appearance are rare. He might welcome them. He assumes the same must apply to her.

But women live in a world of relentless objectification. What he frames as kindness, she experiences as harassment. His Golden Rule “compliment” is her Platinum Rule violation.

The Golden Rule excuses his behaviour: I’d be flattered, so she should be too. The Platinum Rule demands accountability: What does she want? How does she wish to be treated?

The difference is night and day. One sustains entitlement; the other demands empathy.

The Neurotypical Blindspot

The Golden Rule also fails across neurotypes. Neurotypical people treat autistic or otherwise neurodivergent people the way they themselves prefer — with small talk, with eye contact, with social games coded into their world. To the neurodivergent person, these interactions can be exhausting or even harmful.

Autistic people, meanwhile, learn the hard way that mirroring their own preferences back at neurotypicals isn’t tolerated. Avoiding eye contact, skipping pleasantries, speaking directly — these are instantly marked as rude, alienating, or worse.

The Golden Rule here is asymmetrical. Neurotypicals can impose their norms freely. Neurodivergent people are punished for doing the same.

The Platinum Rule cuts through this double standard. It says: don’t assume. Ask. Listen. Respect. Recognise that what feels natural to you might feel unbearable to someone else.

The Golden Rule Protects the Comfortable

This is why the Golden Rule has lasted so long. It doesn’t rock the boat. It doesn’t challenge privilege. It tells the powerful that their own preferences are universal. It makes the marginalised responsible for adapting, while the dominant group keeps projecting.

It’s not morality — it’s narcissism dressed as ethics.

Why the Platinum Rule Is Better

The Platinum Rule forces you to leave your own head. It makes empathy active, not passive. It demands that you see others as they are, not as extensions of yourself.

It’s harder, yes. It requires curiosity, humility, and effort. You can’t assume; you have to engage. You have to ask: How do you want to be treated? And you have to accept that the answer might be different from what you expect, or even uncomfortable.

But that is the essence of respect.

Real-World Implications

Think about how this shift would transform social interactions:

▫️Workplaces: Managers applying the Golden Rule assume employees want the same recognition, workload, or communication style they prefer. The Platinum Rule would force them to consider individual needs — flexibility for parents, sensory accommodations for autistic staff, private rather than public praise for introverts.

▫️Healthcare: Doctors following the Golden Rule might explain diagnoses the way they would want it explained — bluntly, briefly. The Platinum Rule demands tailoring communication: some patients need detail, others need reassurance, others need space to process.

▫️Activism: The Golden Rule leads to campaigns designed around what activists themselves find persuasive. I have witnessed this lack of consideration within animal rights organisations. The Platinum Rule demands strategies that actually resonate with the people they are trying to reach.

Every arena where humans collide would improve if we dropped the Golden Rule and adopted the Platinum one.

The Ethical Core

At its heart, the Platinum Rule is about dismantling supremacism.

The Golden Rule assumes a hierarchy where your own perspective rules. It universalises the self. It’s the same mindset behind countless injustices: colonisers assuming their culture was civilisation, neurotypicals assuming their wiring was the default. The Platinum Rule levels the field. It doesn’t erase difference. It honours it.

The Challenge of Implementation

Of course, the Platinum Rule isn’t neat or easy. People don’t always know what they want. Some can’t articulate it. Some contradict themselves. Some demand things that infringe on others.

But imperfection is not failure. The fact that it requires negotiation and complexity doesn’t weaken the principle — it strengthens it. It reflects reality.

Human relationships aren’t one-size-fits-all. They’re messy. They require dialogue, not projection. The Golden Rule pretends otherwise, offering a cheap shortcut that collapses under pressure. The Platinum Rule embraces that messiness and turns it into respect.

Conclusion: Stop Projecting, Start Respecting

The Golden Rule has survived because it flatters us. It says: you are the centre; your experience is the template. But morality can’t be built on projection. It has to be built on recognition.

The Platinum Rule — treat others how they would like to be treated — is the real foundation of justice. It rejects entitlement. It resists supremacy. It demands that we listen, adapt, and respect.

That is harder than assuming everyone is like you. But it’s also more honest. And more humane.

Because kindness isn’t about treating others how you want to be treated. Kindness is about respecting how they want to be treated. Anything less is self-serving.